You've won! But.....

I just got my mark for the last assignment of my course and I am so pleased - 90%!! The best mark I've had out of the seven essays I've done. I am really, really pleased (sorry, I'm not about to do false modesty here). Now, I feel great and it's an achievement to be proud of and lots of people would be so happy with the outcome, but it leaves me with an average mark for the continuous assessment element of the course of 84%. And that means on paper, no matter how well I do in the exam, I cannot get a first.

Is that ungrateful? Yes, it probably is. In fact, when I started this course, I said to myself I had probably put too much time into the previous courses I had completed, even if it had paid off with good grades. I just felt I had given up on so much else - archery, going to watch the Shakers - that I should perhaps tone down my input on this course: just pass it; it doesn't matter about the grade; get a better balance between work (£), work (academic) and home and so forth. Yep, I'll do that...

But I didn't. You get a good grade for your first paper and you want to do better on the next and so forth. Your self-imposed 'bar of attainment' has been set and you want to keep raising it... Unfortunately, I had a 'blip' in the fourth essay - it was the one that I put together in outline when I was on holiday. Totally misinterpreted the question or rather, I answered the question I thought they wanted me to answer. I dropped some marks and that has blown my average by one point. I'll blame the red wine....

So here I am, feeling like the man who lost a pound and found a penny when I should feel really good about what I have achieved. Maybe it's just my 'bottle half-empty' mentality, which as is too often the case, hangs round the party like a supremely eggy fart. It's not the end of the world, not by a long chalk. No, I can still screw the exam up in four weeks time...