Harry Potter's Cloak

The cloak of invisibility. What a fine piece of kit that would be to own, even for just a few hours. Imagine - being able to go whereever you fancy, but completely undetected! (call it a wildassed guess, but it'd be somewhere involving women getting naked for the majority of men). Except, we don't need to be a scar-headed fictional character to enjoy invisibilty - no! We can bestow invisibility on ourselves using resources available to all. Read on...

When out driving, it is possible to render one's car invisible through the use of hazard lights! Can't be arsed parking the car  and walking to the cashpoint? Would you like to park on the double yellow lines but you're scared of parking nazis attendants? Well, fret no more. Simply park wherever you feel like and put your hazard lights on. Why? Because you will be rendered invisible! Parking wardens will simply ignore you and your fellow road users will appreciate the time for contemplation and reflection that is afforded by sitting in the queue you have created. Yes, hazard warning lights - the choice of lazy, inconsiderate tw*ts for years!

The second example concerns a business and political incantation. I have noticed the growing use of the phrase "As I understand it...." (AIUI) to preface an answer in the work environment and in answers given by politicians. Often, what it seems to mean is "What I think is this (although it may be nothing more than conjecture)..." or "This may possibly be totally wrong, but ...". It matters not a jot, though, because the quick-witted use of the phrase has protected you from any comeback. A third party has obviously given you duff info but your involvement has been rendered invisible in the transaction and you cannot be held responsible for anything that follows "AIUI..." . All because it was only "as you understiood it". Hey, I'll hold my hands up big style - I have found myself using it too. It is just so easy to slip into the protection of  that qualifying statement.

I'm generalising, of course. No way would most people park so inconsiderately. No way would we all be so risk averse that we can no longer speak freely without attempting to cover our backs, No way, right?