Sick

I suppose it is one of those fairly inevitable things: as we age, we become more infirm or susceptible to illness. I say 'fairly' as, until now - touch wood - I have had a pretty illness-free ride as an adult. My bout of depression two years ago and a broken ankle last year aside, I've been pretty much OK. The depression and the ankle were my first real brushes with conditions that limited one's ability to function fully in the way that one would wish. The depression was very much work-related and led to a real difficulty in going into the workplace that had become so entangled with negative thoughts and feelings. The broken ankle physically stopped me going to work as well as making every task in life something that had to be carefully considered before being undertaken: because of the exertions involved in getting up and down the stairs at home, trips to the loo became something that was put off until the last moment (although not too last moment, if you catch my drift).

It was a bit worrying then on Friday when I sat down in front of the computer to type up some notes for Elaine and found that I could not focus on the screen in front of me. It was not out-of-focus in the way that it woukd be if I had no glasses on (that really would be blurry!), but it was clear that something was very wrong. I checked the lenses of my glasses for any sticky finger prints - nothing. I then checked to see if the problem was in one or both eyes. Covering my right eye showed that the left eye was fine, but covering the left eye revealed the problem was isolated in the right eye: the vision through that eye was really quite blurred. I found this probably a lot more worrying than I let on to Elaine. Despite my abiding love of music, both playing and listening, and the sound of my own voice (as some might say!), I think I could deal with deafness better than I ever could blindness. Consequently, any problem that arises with my eyes, I will, of course, convince myself is the start of a major problem (despite the fact that my attitude to contact lens cleanliness can be rather cavalier - more of this later).

Although we were due to be setting off for Birmingham, we agreed that a trip to the hospital was probably more important. After a three hour wait in A&E, the consultant who saw me said that the cause was unlikely to be a major blood vessel burst, but it might be a smaller rupture and the possibility of a degree of detachment of the retina! This is not what I needed to hear as my brain has begun to project forward on that basis and, of course, is imagining a deterioration in that condition until I lose the sight in the eye...you know, just the way we men are supposed to extrapolate from something tiny. Anyhow, he organises a trip to see an ophthalmologist that evening at Rochdale Infirmary.

When I finally get to see the ophthalmologist, she confirms that the back of the eye is fine (thank you, higher power!), but there is the start of a viral infection on the cornea of the eye. When I think back to my bout of shingles a few years ago which ended with the left eye getting infected, the visual impairment was very similar. I am packed off with painkillers, anti-viral and anti-bacterial eye creams (covering all the bases) and a warning not to use my contact lenses - the probable cause of the problem (I am crap at rubbing them clean each morning and night) - for "a very long time". I ask the ophthalmologist what constitutes "a very long time" and I can see in her face that she wants to say "Never again!" but, instead, she advises two weeks which will co-incide with my follow-up appointment. So, I am now applying one cream five times a day, the other twice a day and my vision is now affected by a constant coating of gloop on my right eye. Hopefully though, it will do the trick.

On Sunday morning, having finally arrived in Birmingham, I suddenly realise that my balance is a bit dodgy and my head continues to feel as if it is 'moving' after making any sudden movement and then stopping. I think this viral infection may actually be a little more widespread than just my eye...